Stupidly buoyant

Sometimes you've got to laugh because it's funny.

I need to go to town today to get food, because I'm starting to starve to death... Not really, but I am down to less than 50 teabags, and that's the signal: time to go to the supermarket (something I put off as long as possible).

I don't want to go to town. I don't want to go anywhere. I want to stay here on the farm and hide away from the world and run this day the same as yesterday and the day before and the day before that, and just keep living this whole safe routine over and over until extinction of life thankfully intervenes to stop the fun. Kind of joking, and also kind of not. And this morning I started writing notes on this phenomenon - the not wanting to go to town because I'd rather die phenomenon - just as a way to get outside the experience and be more objective and try to see what's going on.

I'll probably do a post about this some time (that is the intention) but something funny happened earlier - a side event. Someone rang about a farm matter, and though I often get quite stupid and anxious about phone calls, this one went well. He said what he had to say, I replied in the appropriate manner, and that was that. Quite amazing, in a small quiet way, and I was just writing notes about this, about the fact that sometimes things go well, and that the problem isn't usually the situation itself, the problem is that I get overly analytical and self-critical and too caught up in myself. When I don't do that, things go well. The phone call had been fine. It hadn't been something to worry about. So in other words, I can handle things like this. I can do this. It's no big deal.

So how long was it before I stopped feeling good about the phone call and started analysing it? (If you're similarly inclined, you're probably grinning, reader. Doesn't take us long, does it?) Maybe two minutes maximum of feeling happy and pleased, and then in my notes I was into it: 'I'm already knocking myself** about what I said on the phone, my tone of voice in saying "Fantastic!" It was too jovial, too happy, inappropriate for the situation, it would have sounded stupid, sounded like someone being buoyant.'

Sounded like someone being buoyant... Not joking. That's what I wrote. I was worried about sounding too buoyant... Buoyant: cheerful or resilient. Like that's a bad thing? I mean, what?? I'm worried about sounding too buoyant??!!

Bloody hell, reader! Please, you've got to laugh. I am (now), and thank God for that.

:)

** Criticising, finding fault.